To Be An American

What it means to be an American?

To be an American?

Well, I was hoping you

could tell me.

In my America,

I am terrified to walk out of the door every morning

Because I never know if I will return,

Or, if I did,
If I would be the same.

I don’t know if

I’d get confused for a criminal,

And arrested, or worse, murdered without justice.

I don’t know if

My skirt is too

short and revealing

And the wrong guy

may look at me

May take me

May…

I don’t know if I would come home that evening,

So I have to tell everyone I love them every morning

In case it’s the last time we speak.

In my America,

I go to a job I hate because I can’t even afford to quit.

In an ideal world, I would never work at something I don’t love, but my empty stomach says,

“Quit bitch, I dare you.

In my America,

I go to class sick

Because I don’t have insurance to go to a doctor,

And I can’t afford to miss this lecture anyway

Maybe just some Vics and ginger ale and I’ll be fine

I’ll be fine…I’ll be fine…

In my America,

I stay up as late as possible

So that I can just pass out instead of going

peacefully to sleep

Because I do not want to visit my dreams

Everything bad that has ever and will ever happen

Goes on in my dreams

Maybe I should talk to someone about that

But then again, My America dressed as a hooded Kermit the Frog told me

Don’t be a bitch.

In my America,

I have to remind people

I am a human adult capable of making rational decisions

for myself

Because there is a small group of people

nothing like me,

That couldn’t possibly please me if they fucking tried because they don’t even know or understand my anatomy,

Making decisions about my fucking body as if it has anything to do with them.

In my America,

I am hopeless.

In my America,

I am a police car

away from death.

In my America,

I am taught in school only to be sent to prison

in one form or another.

In my America,

Bravery can get me raped or worse murdered.

Either without justice.

In my America,

I must ask is America really even mine?

In America,

I do not have the rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

But you do,

So please tell me,

What it is like

To be an American?